You know something? Being a kobold is a lot like life in general. It's got its ups and downs. On the plus side, we've got a big family, we share and share alike, and we get to hobnob with dragons.
But with the good comes the bad. We're pretty tiny. And that means adventurers take one look at us and think "easy xp!" Trust me, it's no picnic having that big a target on your back. There are times when I feel less like a kobold and more like a salami: small, soft, and ready for slicing.
When you're this vulnerable and someone tries the whole kill-you-and-take-your-stuff routine, you need all the help you can get. And that's where the obsession of my life comes in: TRAPS!!
Ah, there's nothing like knowing your lair is guarded by machines that can lacerate, rend, and squish even the nastiest adventurers (assuming they don't just Nodwick their henchmen in first). But how to make a really good trap instead of just a so-so trap? Well, technically that's a secret. But it's one I don't mind revealing.
Why would I want to warn you, the adventurer, about my own traps? Read on, dear victim...
The secret to traps that stand out from the pack is an old trick: misdirection. Make your target think one thing while you're doing another. Classic example: a floor that looks to be made of solid metal. And it is. Except for halfway through, where it's actually tin foil. And waiting below, a bottomless pit.
In the words of a classic video game, "Ha ha, intruder."
And now what? Take everything I just said and throw it away. It was all a lie.
Or was it?
Feel like dribbling your lips with your fingers yet? Nurse, the straitjacket if you please...
People tell me my mind goes to dark places. Can I help it if I was born in a warren with a mind flayer for a neighbor?
Now what have we learned today, children? Leave the little dragon people's things alone. Otherwise... can you say "doomed"? Can you use it in a sentence?
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